The Art of Holding More Than One Truth: Practicing Dialectics in Everyday Life

One of the most liberating — and challenging — skills I help clients develop is the ability to hold more than one truth at once. This idea comes from dialectics, a concept at the heart of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). In essence, dialectics invites us to recognize that two seemingly opposing things can both be true.

You can love someone deeply and feel hurt by them. You can be doing your very best and still need to grow. You can feel grateful for what you have and long for something different.

When we practice dialectical thinking, we loosen the grip of black-and-white, all-or-nothing thinking — the kind that often leaves us feeling stuck or ashamed. We begin to see the world (and ourselves) in shades of gray, full of nuance, context, and compassion.

The Power of Continued Practice

Like any skill, dialectical thinking grows stronger with repetition. The first few times you try to hold two truths at once, it may feel confusing or even uncomfortable. Our brains like certainty and simplicity — “either/or” thinking feels safe and familiar.

But over time, as you continue to practice, you’ll notice a shift. Conflicts feel less overwhelming. You become less reactive and more reflective. You can sit with complexity without needing to “pick a side.”

Think of it as mental flexibility training. Each time you pause, breathe, and say, “Maybe both are true,” you’re strengthening your ability to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively.

Everyday Opportunities to Practice Dialectics

• In relationships: When disagreements arise, try asking, “What part of their perspective might be true, even if I don’t fully agree?”

• In self-talk: Replace “I shouldn’t feel this way” with “I feel this way, and I can still choose how to respond.”

• In decision-making: Recognize that every choice carries both gains and losses — and that both feelings of excitement and fear can coexist.

  
  

Over time, this practice fosters emotional resilience, empathy, and balance. It helps us live more peacefully in a world that’s rarely simple and often full of contradictions.

A Compassionate Reminder

If this feels hard, that’s okay. Dialectical thinking asks us to sit in discomfort, and that takes courage. The goal isn’t to become perfect at it — it’s to keep practicing. Even small steps toward balance matter.

So today, when you catch yourself in an “either/or” moment, try pausing and asking, “Is there another truth here too?” With practice, that simple question can open the door to greater acceptance, understanding, and peace.