Holding More Than One Truth: How Dialectical Thinking Builds Resilience

One of the most powerful tools I share with my clients is the concept of dialectics—the practice of holding two seemingly opposite truths at the same time. It may sound abstract at first, but dialectical thinking is deeply human, practical, and transformative. It’s what allows us to move away from rigid thinking, ease emotional suffering, and build the resilience we need to weather life’s storms.

What Is Dialectical Thinking?

Dialectical thinking is rooted in dialectics, a concept central to Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). At its core, it teaches us that two things can be true at once—even if they appear contradictory.

You can be doing the best you can and still have room to grow.

You can love someone deeply and feel angry with them.

You can feel strong and be in pain.

This approach helps soften the either/or thinking that often fuels anxiety, shame, perfectionism, or depression. Instead of being trapped in extremes (“I’m either a success or a failure,” “This situation is either completely fine or completely ruined”), we learn to make space for complexity—and in that space, healing begins.

Why Our Brains Like Absolutes (But Suffer Because of It)

Our brains are wired for clarity. Black-and-white thinking offers quick judgments: safe/dangerous, good/bad, success/failure. This served us well for survival. But in the nuanced world of modern relationships, emotions, and self-worth, this kind of thinking can be more harmful than helpful.

Absolutes often leave no room for grace, flexibility, or hope. They can trap us in thoughts like:

• “If I feel anxious, I must be weak.”

• “If I’m not happy, something’s wrong with me.”

• “If I make a mistake, I’m a failure.”

Dialectical thinking invites us to pause and say, “What else might be true?”

Dialectics as a Tool for Emotional Resilience

Resilience isn’t about ignoring pain or always finding the silver lining. It’s about being able to stay with hard emotions and still move forward. Dialectics help by making room for emotional complexity:

• You can feel overwhelmed and still take the next step.

• You can be grieving and still experience moments of joy.

• You can feel lost and still trust that you’re growing.

  
  

This both/and thinking allows for integration—where all parts of you, even the conflicting ones, have space to coexist. When you stop fighting your thoughts or trying to force clarity where there is none, you begin to free up emotional energy for healing.

Applying Dialectics in Your Daily Life

Here are a few ways to start practicing dialectical thinking:

1. Notice black-and-white thoughts. When you catch yourself using words like “always,” “never,” “totally,” or “completely,” pause and ask: Is there another truth here, too?

2. Use “and” instead of “but.” Try saying, “I’m tired and I still care about my work,” rather than, “I’m tired but I should keep going.” This small shift honors both truths instead of negating one.

3. Validate all emotions. You can acknowledge discomfort without trying to erase it. For example: “I feel anxious, and I know that feeling doesn’t define me.”

4. Practice self-compassion. You can recognize your missteps and still offer yourself kindness. Growth and imperfection can coexist.

Closing Thoughts

Life is rarely simple. Emotions are rarely singular. And truth is rarely one-sided. Embracing dialectical thinking isn’t about being indecisive or neutral—it’s about seeing fully and accepting multiple truths can coexist without one taking away from the other.