Balancing Reparenting Ourselves and Having Compassion for Who Raised Us: Navigating the Journey in Therapy

In the journey of healing and personal growth, many of us arrive at a profound realization: our inner wounds often trace back to unmet needs from childhood. This can lead us to the powerful work of reparenting—learning to nurture, soothe, and guide ourselves in ways we may not have received when we were young. But alongside this work often comes a complicated emotional terrain: what do we do with the love, loyalty, and sometimes pain we still feel toward the people who raised us?

This article explores how we can balance reparenting ourselves while maintaining compassion for our caregivers, and how therapy can support us in navigating this delicate and deeply human process.

What Is Reparenting?

Reparenting is the practice of giving yourself the emotional nurturing, structure, validation, and protection that may have been lacking during your early years. It involves recognizing your unmet needs—whether for safety, emotional availability, guidance, or boundaries—and learning to meet those needs as an adult.

It might look like:

• Speaking to yourself kindly when you make a mistake

• Learning to regulate your emotions

• Establishing boundaries that protect your mental and emotional well-being

• Affirming your worth and cultivating self-trust

Reparenting is not about blaming—it’s about reclaiming. You’re stepping into the role of the caregiver you needed, so you can move forward with greater self-awareness and resilience.

Compassion for Those Who Raised Us

At the same time, many of us hold complex feelings toward our parents or caregivers. Some of us were raised by people who did their best under difficult circumstances. Others might have faced more overt forms of neglect, harm, or dysfunction. And for many, it’s a mix.

Holding compassion for your caregivers doesn’t mean excusing harmful behavior. It means recognizing the context in which they parented: their own wounds, limitations, and the generational cycles they may not have had the tools or support to break.

This duality—acknowledging pain while honoring love—can feel emotionally disorienting. You may find yourself swinging between anger and guilt, clarity and confusion. That’s where therapy becomes a crucial space for untangling the threads.

Working Through This in Therapy

1. Naming Your Experience Without Judgment

Therapy offers a nonjudgmental space to explore your story. A skilled therapist can help you identify what was missing or harmful in your upbringing, while also helping you hold space for the fuller picture. This process is not about villainizing your parents—it’s about validating your inner child’s reality.

2. Exploring Boundaries and Loyalty

Many clients struggle with guilt when they begin to set emotional or physical boundaries with family. Therapy can help you understand concepts like toxic loyalty, fawning, or parentification, and how they might have shaped your current patterns.

Learning to separate love from obligation allows you to relate to family members from a place of agency rather than reactivity.

3. Reparenting Tools and Practices

Your therapist might support you in developing specific reparenting practices, such as:

• Writing letters to your younger self

• Practicing self-soothing techniques

• Reframing critical inner dialogue

• Cultivating a compassionate inner voice

These practices help you internalize a new, healthier way of relating to yourself.

4. Integrating Compassion Without Minimizing Harm

A central theme in therapy may be this: “I can have compassion for them and still recognize the harm that was done.”

This “both/and” mindset is key. It allows you to stay grounded in your truth without erasing your caregivers’ humanity. Therapy helps you integrate these truths in a way that honors your growth and supports your boundaries.

Final Thoughts: Healing Is Not a Betrayal

Reparenting yourself is not a betrayal of your parents—it’s an act of deep love toward yourself. And having compassion for your caregivers doesn’t mean you have to stay in unhealthy dynamics. Healing requires both truth and tenderness.

If you’re on this journey, know that you are not alone. Therapy can be a safe and powerful place to make sense of your past, cultivate compassion, and become the kind of adult—and possibly the kind of parent—you needed all along.

If this resonated with you, consider bringing these themes into your next therapy session or journaling about your experience. Healing is a lifelong process, but every step you take toward self-awareness and compassion is a profound one.